Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, but what if you’re not in a relationship, or worse, have recently gone through a breakup or divorce and don’t feel like celebrating this day for lovers? It doesn’t have to be so bad and there are plenty of ways to get by.
What can you do?
Dr. Alok Trivedi is a human behavior and psychological performance expert who is founder of the Aligned Performance Institute and author of the book ‘Chasing Success.’
His 9 tips to surviving this Valentine’s Day if you are single or recently separated:
Find the beauty in being single
Being in a relationship comes with its perks, but there’s many great things about being single. When you are alone, you have the opportunity to really fall in love with yourself, and this is love that will last a lifetime. You can love the freedom and independence you have right now of being able to do what you want, when you want. You can spoil yourself rotten. There’s no checking-in with someone, having to live up to someone else’s expectations and everything you do is all about you!
No partner? No problem! Pamper yourself on Valentine’s Day. Go eat at your favorite restaurant. Get a massage. Eat your favorite dessert. Buy yourself something nice. Indulge in all those guilty pleasures that you love so much. Whatever you do, make this a day you celebrate and show appreciation to yourself, and don’t worry about anyone else.
End the resentment against your ex today
Often times people who have been through a breakup, whether long ago or more recently, have difficulty moving on because they haven’t let go of the past. Make this the day you let go of the resentment you have been holding against your ex. This doesn’t necessarily mean forgiving and forgetting, but releasing yourself from the bondage of resentment.
Use this day to romance the people that mean the most
Instead of looking for the love that isn’t around you, appreciate all the love that is around you. A great way to do this is to spend time with those you hold a deep appreciation for be it your children, your pets, close friends or even elderly parents.
Treat it as any other day
There’s nothing wrong with going about your day like you would any other day, and not paying attention to the holiday. Stay focused on your work. Hit the gym. Follow your routine. If you’re not in a relationship at the moment, focus on the daily activities that are important to you right now.
Use it as motivation
If getting into a committed relationship is that important to you, let Valentine’s Day be a motivator to help you get moving. Start putting yourself out there more to meet new people. Join a dating service or ask a friend to set you up on a blind date. Sometimes finding Mr. or Mrs. Right just happens when we’re not looking, but oftentimes it’s the result of putting in the effort.
Learn from the past
There’s an old quote that says: ‘Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it.’ If you find yourself single this Valentine’s Day, think of all that you’ve learned. You know what works and doesn’t in a committed relationship. You know the red flags to look for this time around. You know the traits you value most in a potential partner. Hopefully, you’ve learned from your mistakes and your next relationship will be that much stronger.
Let your feelings out
If your emotions are running wild this Valentine’s Day, and you are feeling everything from anger and sadness to self-doubt and worry, you need to release them. Holding them in is only going to make things worse. Talk to a friend, family member or someone you trust and feel close to. Journal about it. If things get really bad, there’s no shame in finding a professional to speak to.
Don’t make it a big deal
Despite what those around you say or how they celebrate, if you are single or went through a breakup recently, just don’t make a bid deal of Valentine’s Day. If you don’t feel like celebrating or have no reason to, there is no need to get caught up in the propaganda or expense of it all. Simply don’t make a big deal of it.